August 3rd is National Twin day. Yay! Several of our postpartum clients over the years have been parents of twins.
Twins are absolutely a blessing. They’re also a lot of work! Whether we’re talking about growing them in pregnancy, getting them through infancy, feeding them or all of laundry, it’s truly double the work for double the joy.
One thing we’re always surprised about though, is that it seems like twin parents hear double the off-putting comments.
Maybe it’s because people just don’t know what to say to moms of twins? And in making conversation, they end up with their foot in their mouths.
That’s totally possible, because people say weird things to our clients during pregnancy all the time, no matter how many babies they have!
Remember, it’s always an option to just say “Congratulations! What a joy!”
For our clients and anyone with twins, we’ve compiled a list of things twin moms have told us they heard, and a snappy little comeback if you need one.
(We’re also including some reasons these things aren’t ideal to say, so maybe everyone will knock it off.)
Unwelcome comment #1: Twins, wow! Are they natural?
Comeback: Well, they aren’t synthetic!
Why not to say this: you’re basically asking about how someone conceived their children, and that’s super invasive. Maybe you’re okay with be nosy as hell, but conception and fertility stories are very personal. If you were supposed to know, you’d know.
Unwelcome comment #2: You’re huge! You must be about to have the twins any day now.
Comeback: What? I forgot that I was pregnant for a second!
Why not to say this: Two things here- We’re all just trying to be body positive and love ourselves. It helps if no one gives our size a shoutout in the grocery store, thanks. Also, everyone carries pregnancy differently so your perception of how big a belly is has nothing to do with due dates.
And you may not know this if you’re not a twin mom, twin dad or doula, but staying pregnant until twins are full term or close to it can actually be challenging. Let’s not tap dance on a nervous subject.
Unwelcome comment #3: Who’s the oldest?
Comeback: Actually, they have the same birthday.
Why not to say this: This is another case of “if you’re supposed to know, you will.” There are plenty of onesies and other ways to announce who was born first. Some families avoid sharing this to keep twins from being stereotyped.
Unwelcome comment #4: Twins? I could never do it.
Comeback: Not with that attitude, you couldn’t!
Most people are surprised when they learn that they’re having twins. They’ve quite possibly already had the thought that this is difficult and daunting. Or expensive. Or a lot of kids. Or will make it hard to breastfeed/ send them to good schools/ keep them out of trouble/ whatever else you mean.
Nobody needs a Debbie Downer. Least of all parents of twins.
Unwelcome comment #5: They’re going to fight with each other so much! Are you ready?
Comeback: Yes. We’re planning on putting them in mixed martial arts training and selling tickets.
Siblings disagree. Some siblings fight. We know this. Every family handles disputes and discipline in their own way and nobody needs you predicting death matches while they hold a newborn.
In short, if you can’t find anything nice to say, it’s okay to say nothing. Unless you’re a parent of twins, in which case it’s not a bad idea to be armed with a little bit of sass.
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