As a postpartum doula, I’ve observed a lot of families with newborns, and let me tell you, it can be a tough time for couples. Whether you’re in an apartment in Brookland and feel like you, your partner and the baby are all on top of each other, or have a 4 bedroom in PG county with chores piling up between the infant and older siblings, it can be a lot.
You’re boobs are leaking, your partner is exhausted because they aren’t sleeping through the night, and you’re starved for time to connect with each other.
Don’t worry. Most people feel this way.
Early parenthood can be one of the hardest times in the life of a relationship.
How do you move past that? Well, you have to find ways to be on the same team. Staying connected is important. And one of the classic ways folks do that is with a regular date night.
But how on earth are you supposed to have a date, as a new mom, with an infant? Good news, your friendly neighborhood postpartum doula has ideas!
When we ask folks on our facebook page, most of y’all would rather go out on date night. And I get it. It’s a break from feeling like you’re “all mom, all the time” and a chance to remember why you had a baby with your partner in the first place.
If you want to have time without your infant, it’s a good idea to account for all you can all sleep well when date night is done.
I recommend putting them to bed early and getting a couple of hours to yourself. If your baby is at the point where they have a long stretch of sleep at night- 4 hours or so can start pretty soon- try to plan your outing for during that time. If you can’t manage a full dinner, just go out for dessert. It’s worth it.
You can also pump milk beforehand, or give a bottle of formula during, and stay out a bit longer. Trust me, one bottle given by a caring person won’t harm your baby’s routine. And if you need that caring person, we’re happy to help as postpartum doulas. (See how much we support date night? We don’t even want you to have to search Care.com!)
You also can take your baby out into the world. If this is the plan, I recommend having your time out earlier, so that they can continue with their usual bedtime routine. Have dessert before dinner, or eat early and go to bed yourself!
Recently, a wonderful resource became available for new parents to make going out with kids a bit easier: The Highchair Society (isn’t that a cute name)? You can check their list of kid friendly restaurants for your older children (they have things covered in DC, MD and VA), and be sure that your little one won’t be the only one under 18 when you’re eating out.
We also want to let you know that you have our full permission to stay in, and you can still have quality time and connect. If you’re tired of Netflix and chilling, then here’s an idea:
Check out Date Night In a Box! This subscription service offers activities, a playlist, potential menu delivered to your door monthly. Staying in doesn’t have to mean that you don’t get to experience new things with your partner, and we love this idea.
As postpartum doulas, we’re here for the whole family. And your relationship is a huge part of it. Don’t forget to keep falling in love with your child’s other parent.
Learn more about our postpartum doula support here!
