Dear Doula, I'm Planning a C-section. Can you help?

Dear Doula,

I’m planning to have a c-section, and I’m not sure exactly what to do. I’d had a vision of giving birth, and this was NOT it. I hoped to labor for a while before getting an epidural (and considered maybe not getting one at all). A c-section seems like the opposite!

I’m high risk because of my age, but have been managing my blood pressure pretty well. We always knew that we might have to get an induction if my numbers got bad, but my husband and I have changed our diet to be so healthy, and I’ve been working on not being stressed out. I thought I had things under control!

Now there’s a complication with the baby, and my OB and maternal fetal medicine doctor both say that labor isn’t a good idea.

I have to have a c-section.

I want the baby to be safe, but I hoped that I’d have some say in how my birth went.

I’m so disappointed, and I don’t who to talk to. No one in my family had a c-section, and they keep saying that “at least we caught it early and the baby will be safe.” I’d been involved in a due date group, but they seem a little too natural birth focused for me to talk about this. Most of them are planning something completely different.

Do you have any advice? I don’t even know if doulas can help with something so far from a natural birth. I hope so.

Sincerely,

Disappointed, and defeated and throwing my birth plan out the window

Dear Disappointed,

I wish I could give you a hug right now. I know that when you’ve worked hard to get on top of a situation like a high risk pregnancy, it can be devastating to still have things not go how you’d hoped. You thought you had some control, and then things changed again.

Ugh.

But wait- don’t throw the whole birth plan away! There’s more to birth than the way that your baby leaves your body.

You might not realize that with c-section (a cesarean birth), you can still have a birth plan. And yes, a doula can absolutely help.

(By the way, I’m going to mostly refer to your c-section as a cesarean birth. You get to decide what to call it, but I want to emphasize that it *is birth for your and your baby*.)

Okay, so let’s talk about the things that you still have control over:

Who are you going to talk to about your cesarean birth?

I recommend talking to people who are going to listen to you, not dismiss your fears, and will lift you up. Anyone who plants doubts about your c-section should be put on mute, at least for now.

Who will be in the hospital with you for your cesarean birth?

You still get to have support people. Your husband is even able to go into the operating room with you for most planned cesareans. As a labor doula, I’ve helped people get checked in on the morning of their cesarean birth, and stayed with them until their baby was here and they were all settled in as a family.

What do you want to happen in the OR?

You do still have options, and we can adapt your birth plan. More and more OBGYNs want their patients to have what’s called a “family-centered cesarean” or “gentle cesarean”, and you have options to make this experience feel more like a birth than a sterile surgery.

During a cesarean birth, you can ask for things like:

Your partner and doula to be in the operating room with you
A hand free to move during the surgery
To have the birth explained to you as it happens
To have music playing
To see your baby be born over the drape, and have pictures taken
To have your partner cut the umbilical cord and/or announce the baby’s sex
To hold your baby and breastfeed as soon as possible

The specific concerns about the baby, your own wishes and hospital might influence what is possible. But before assuming something cannot happen, I encourage you to ask for what you want.

What do you want to happen after your baby is born?

I always want to remind folks that birth is not an ending, it’s a beginning. You have plenty of decisions to make about what happens to your baby, and how you recover from birth.

So if you had a section in your birth plan on the postpartum period, see what still works! (And if you didn’t have one of those, or a postpartum plan, let’s talk. In fact, we have a whole blog post that talks about making a plan for after your cesarean birth.)

Remember this- while the environment has to be sterile for your safety, unlike other surgeries, “sterile” isn’t the only feeling that your birth and the time soon after can have. It can be joyful, and you can be excited! You also can take your time to grieve for the birth you envisioned and be disappointed first. No matter where your feelings are landing today, we’ve got you.

PS- If you’re the sort of person that likes affirmations, we have a few for cesarean birth that you can use.

Print them out, Pin them your Pinterest birth board (maybe even look for c-section pinterest boards!), stick them on Facebook- whatever works best for you.