Dear Doula,
My baby is two months old this week (yay!) and I’ve so enjoyed staying home with him. I’m glad that we have a decent parental leave policy at my office, and I have another six weeks. But I’m already nervous about going back to work after maternity leave.
I love my job. I miss it. I’ve been in my field for 15 years, and am good at what I do. I was always super focused on career, and I definitely don’t want to be “mommy tracked”. I miss adult conversation and mental stimulation. And just having a reason to get dressed, even for a zoom meeting, will be nice.
Here’s the thing: I don’t think that I can keep up with the pace of what I was doing before pregnancy, and I’m not sure that I want to. It required long hours and managing a team that I was super available to.
But in the last couple of months, I’ve been nothing like that. I’ve really let the baby take the lead, mostly because of nursing. I’ve only used my pump a couple of times- the baby barely takes a bottle and I’m carrying him in a wrap for much of the day. We’re on a pretty scattered sleep schedule and I haven’t rushed to change that. I can nap during the day and it gives his dad a chance to see him at night, so it’s no big deal.
We had a hard time getting pregnant, and I really wanted to breastfeed, so I’ve pretty much made my son my sole focus during maternity leave.
To be clear, I’m not doing this alone- my husband is a great dad, but he went back to work last month (he works from home 2 days out of the week).
I’m just not used to to-do lists and accomplishing things anymore. I think I have a major case mommy brain, and it is NOT the same brain that climbed the corporate ladder.
Help! How can I make sure that going back to work isn’t a disaster?
Sincerely, A Former Career Woman
Dear Former Career Lady,
First of all, I object to that name. You’re not “former” anything. You’re just in the midst of a major transition in life, that can cause all kind of identity shifts. And you’re doing it in a country that likes to pretend those shifts didn’t happen.
But there’s nothing wrong, with you. There’s not even anything unusual!
If you’ve worked your way to managing a team, through pregnancy and the like, you have all the skills you need to handle this. You just don’t know what plans you need to make, but we’re here to help with that.
Here are some things to consider:
Decide when to go back after maternity leave.
- If your back to work date isn’t set in stone, make it a shorter week. Starting on a Wednesday or Thursday means that you can skip the chaos of Monday, and you only have two-three days to get through.
- See how long you’re able to work virtually, if your job allows for it. Even staggering some days, as you mentioned that your husband has, can help your stamina. Much of the world is used to working in a more virtual environment these days as a result of COVID19, so you have that on your side.
Feed the baby in a way that makes sense for you.
I’m going to assume that because you’ve worked so hard to nurse, you want to continue to breastfeed. (Pumping is breastfeeding.)
You’re probably wondering how much milk you need to pump for your baby.
- Breastmilk nutrition adjusts over time to match the needs of your baby, including calories. So most babies drinking human milk never need more than 3-4 ounces per feeding.
- A simple way to think of pumping is that you’re replacing nursings. You can pump the same number of times that your child would nurse while you were gone.
- Here’s a handy calculator: https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/.
- If you don’t have a huge freezer stash, it is okay and normal.
While we’re on the topic of pumping, if you don’t already know how it will work, be sure to talk to someone in HR now about where you’ll pump and when you get breaks while you’re physically in the office.
Now that we’ve started to get your side of the feeding equation together, let’s think about your baby.
- Start practicing having your baby take a bottle more often.
- Teach whoever will be giving the baby bottles how to paced feed. You want them to feed the baby in a way that mimics nursing if you’re planning to continue doing so. They should use a slow flow nipple and allow the baby to control the flow of the feed.
- Know that many babies will “reverse cycle”, that is, they’ll eat a lot more when you’re around and can nurse.
Create a routine that makes sense for the “back to work” you. Give yourself a couple of weeks to implement it.
Some important things to do:
- Work towards being awake during the day time.
- Make sure that the baby takes a bottle.
- Do a trial run of anything you possibly can:
- Have the baby spend a couple of hours with the sitter before you’re actually back in the office
- Practice pumping or nursing at an angle on zoom where you don’t flash your colleagues
- Plan to get the baby in and out of the car seat if you’re headed into the office, and do a trial run that accounts for childcare arriving at your home, or drop off.
- Pack your pumping parts bag the night before and leave a note for yourself about anything you might forget
Ask for the help you need as you head back to work after baby.
This is an opinion that you did not ask for, but maybe you need to hear it- when both partners are working parents, both parents can do some parenting. This doesn’t change just because you’re breastfeeding.
- Sit down and talk to your husband about your fears, and the gaps in your back to work plan.
- Assume that he wants to help, and is fully capable.
- If you need to explore childcare, family support, or a postpartum doula, do it. Yes, even if you’re at home on zoom for a while.
Ending maternity leave and becoming a “working mother” is a big identity shift and that’s okay.
It sounds like you’re a bit conflicted, and not 100% sure about how you’ll move forward.
- You can love your job and enjoy the less hectic schedule you’re experiencing with you and the baby right now.
- You can love your baby and really look forward to going back to work.
- You can be super apprehensive about working from home with a newborn in the house, while also grateful that you don’t have to leave home and increase your COVID19 risk.
A thousand different things are true at once. And, you’ll find a way to go back to work after maternity leave. You got this.
Don’t hesitate to contact us, we’d love to talk to you and help you on your motherhood journey.
