You’re pregnant. Again. It’s sort of exciting. Sort of. At the same time, you’re nervous, because your last pregnancy ended before you could meet your baby. It’s hard to know how to feel during a pregnancy after a loss, though you’re hoping for a rainbow baby.
If you’ve never heard the term, a rainbow baby is a child born after a previous baby was lost in a miscarriage, stillbirth or in infancy. Just like any rainbow that comes after a storm, a baby born after a sibling was lost is a beautiful thing, and a symbol of hope for many.
But the experience of pregnancy after infant loss comes with huge amounts of conflicted emotions. Waiting for your rainbow baby isn’t easy.
You want to be excited. Everything in your heart has hoped and dreamed of this child.
But is it wise to celebrate? To tell people? You don’t know that you want to share this intimate, nerve-wracking and deeply personal journey with anyone.
You also may have realized though, that if you don’t share that you’re pregnant, no one knows if you do end up grieving. It’s not uncommon for a mother’s announcement of a rainbow baby to be the first some loved ones have heard of the prior child who was lost.
For miscarriage, and pregnancy after loss to be as common as it is, it’s an incredibly isolating experience.
Maybe you don’t even like the term rainbow baby! It connects today’s joy to yesterday’s pain, and the emotions are complicated enough.
How do you explain this to a child when they’re older?
The reality that you gave thanks for every experience of morning sickness with them because pregnancy symptoms confirm that you are in fact still pregnant. At the same time, the reality that you spent much of the time as you became more aware of their presence, remembering the child who wasn’t there.
You want to focus on good things. You want to set good intentions and believe in the health and well being of this child.
And yet now you’re labeled as high risk. You’re being watched like a hawk by your OBGYN and Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialist. You find it both comforting and anxiety-producing.
We know. It’s complicated. It’s okay if you’re conflicted.
We don’t have the answers. The pain, joy, hope and fear are yours to carry. And if those feelings are all knotted together, then you’re the only one who can untangle them. As doulas, we know better than to try to make any of these better with words that will never be enough.
We can tell you that if you’ve experienced a loss, you’re far from alone.
Yes, even if you don’t know anyone who’s shared. You’re still not alone.
If you and your partner are white-knuckling it until you make it past a certain number of weeks- maybe the first trimester, or the number of weeks where you lost your last little one- know that you’re in the company of so many others.
We can also tell you that you do deserve to enjoy this pregnancy. You are worthy of joy and happiness. Your previous baby is worthy of honor and you can grieve them. Still, nothing is stopping you from being overjoyed about this new life. Of celebrating this pregnancy, while honoring your loss.
We see both your pain and your hope, and know that you hold the names of all your babies in your heart.
Rainbows and rainbow babies are worth stopping to acknowledge.
If you need more support and some one to talk to then contact us and we will be more than happy to help.
