Picture this- you just had a baby, and you’re filled with a love like you never felt before. You can’t believe how blessed you are, and everything your little one does is adorable. It doesn’t matter so much that you’re sore and tired and this hospital bed feels like bag of rocks- it’s worth it.
But a couple of days after coming home from the hospital, you’re still tired, and still sore. You find yourself a little with conflicting emotions- you want to take a shower and let someone hold the baby because you smell like breastmilk and sweat. At the same time, you never want to let your baby out of your arms. Now you’re crying at 3 am because your husband is snoring- even though this is the first feeding he’s slept through and you actually told him to get some rest.
Who even are you?
If you’re like 80% of mothers in the US, you might be experiencing baby blues.
Listen to this episode of Musings of a Black Doula for more.
The term “baby blues” refers to a common and temporary condition that affects around 80% of new moms in the United States during the first two weeks after giving birth. It’s characterized by a mix of emotions that may include sadness, irritability, mood swings, restlessness, and anxiety. It’s essential to understand that experiencing baby blues doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother or that you don’t love your baby; it’s a natural and common response to the significant life changes you’re going through.
It also is not the same as postpartum depression, or other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Baby blues can actually resolve on its own, and in this blog, you’ll learn proactive steps to create a supportive environment.
Understand Why Baby Blues Occurs
Your Hormones
One of the key factors contributing to baby blues is the sudden and dramatic hormonal shifts that occur right after giving birth. During pregnancy, a woman’s body experiences significant hormonal changes to support the growth and development of the baby. After childbirth, there’s a sudden drop in pregnancy hormones, particularly estrogen and progesterone, which can affect mood regulation.
Your feelings are valid and important, and the situations bringing them up are real! Having a baby changed your whole life in an instant- it’s a lot to adjust to. Keep in mind though, that the highs you’re feeling right now may be higher. And the lows might be lower. Lots of new parents take comfort in knowing that they’re not alone in this.
The Stress of a Life-Changing Time
Aside from hormonal changes, giving birth is a life-altering event that brings significant changes and challenges. Becoming a mother comes with new responsibilities, sleepless nights, physical recovery, and the adjustment to a new routine. Your body, lifestyle, and priorities may feel unrecognizable, leading to feelings of stress, exhaustion, and even doubt about your abilities.
We experience even positive changes as stressful. And it can be challenging to feel like a beginner at so many things- caring for a baby, breastfeeding (if it applies) and a sense that your identity has shifted are all stressful, even if it’s good stress.
During this time, it’s essential to be gentle with yourself and recognize that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You are navigating a completely new landscape, and it’s okay to take time to adapt to your new role as a mother.
Lack of Societal Support for New Parents
I also have to call out the culture of “snapping back” both around our bodies, and the sense that we should be able to get back to normal after a baby. This can exacerbate the challenges faced during the postpartum period. While more families are able to have paid maternity or parental leave, it’s not universal, leaving new parents with the added stress of financial concerns and the pressure to return to work quickly.
Moreover, the traditional support structures that were once present in many cultures, such as extended family members providing assistance and care, have become less common due to geographical distance and busy lifestyles. This lack of support can make it even more challenging for new parents, especially Black mothers, to cope with the demands of motherhood.
Prepare for Emotional Well-Being During Postpartum
Planning ahead and establishing a strong support system can significantly impact how you navigate the postpartum phase. Here are a few tips:
- Consider taking time off work before the due date to avoid a frantic shutdown. You might limited in your leave, so there’s no judgment here. But if you have options, consider these two scenarios- planning to be away from work starting at 37 weeks and going into labor after days spent napping and hanging with family, friends and partner. Or spending your early labor sending emails to your boss and passing off files to the people who report to you.
- Identify support services such as lactation consultants, pelvic floor therapists, and a postpartum doulas during pregnancy. It can make a a world of difference to not be googling these things while the baby cries in your arms. As postpartum doulas, I love when we can begin working with you in the first couple of weeks and start good habits right away.
- Engage in honest conversations with your partner, family, and friends about what kind of support you need during this time. Setting boundaries and communicating your needs beforehand will ensure you receive the care and help you deserve.
Scaling back responsibilities, creating a postpartum plan, discussing boundaries, and building a supportive network early on are essential for a smoother postpartum experience.
The Importance of Rest and Self-Care for New Moms
Once the baby arrives, all of the focus will be on them. As it should be! But neglecting yourself is not ok and there are several things you can do to soften your landing into motherhood. While I won’t promise that these prevent baby blues, they can certainly help you cope.
- During the postpartum period, rest is a prized commodity. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is easier said than done. Some times that the baby is sleeping will be your opportunity to tend to your own needs. But attempt naps, and embrace “closing your eyes” when you can. And do not pressure yourself to do much- remember- keeping your baby alive and fed is a huge item checked off the to-do list.
- Embrace the concept of gentle movement, rather than “exercise”. Stretching or a short walk can get your blood flowing, without putting too much on your body. After all, you just did amazing work while giving birth. It’s not time for marathon training. If you can get fresh air, that’s even better.
- Prioritize nourishing foods, and drinking plenty of water. There’s nothing wrong with comfort food, but any time you can eat a vegetable, it’s a good idea.
- Accept help, and don’t wait until you’re in crisis to ask. Whether from your partner, family, friends or a postpartum doula, you deserve to be catered to since you’re likely catering to your newborn.
- Seek out connection and community. You can find new parent friends in any pregnancy classes you take, or reach out to breastfeeding support groups, prenatal and postpartum workout classes, or pregnancy apps.
Knowing When It’s More Than Baby Blues
One of the hallmarks of baby blues is that it resolves after the first couple of weeks. If you find yourself feeling out of sorts by week three, it’s important not to ignore how you’re feeling and take action.
I also want to acknowledge that some new mothers may face more significant risks to their emotional well-being.
- Black women and women of color may be at higher risk for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. This is not because of anything we do wrong, but rather a lack of access and increased stressors. So don’t take this on as your fault, and remember that getting help is a good thing for you and your baby.
- Prior history of depression and anxiety, a family history of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, or previous postpartum adjustment issues place new parents at higher risk.
- Fertility challenges, previous miscarriages or infant losses as well as birth trauma or a baby who needs to go to the NICU can add risks as well.
If you fall into any of these categories, remember that you very well may thrive as a new mom. Still, it is better to know who you might call and find that you don’t need them. Seek support from mental health professionals if needed. Postpartum Support International is a great place to start.
Anyone who is having symptoms such as trouble bonding with your baby, difficulty caring for yourself, overwhelming stress, or fear for your own safety or that of your baby should seek help.
Want help creating a postpartum plan? Click Here.
