Somewhere on the internet, someone is clutching her pearls, and gasping at that title. And I’m so sorry for the shock, but this post isn’t for you. Somewhere else, a woman who just can’t wait for her maternity leave to end, so she can get back to the office with adult company is hella relieved. And it’s you I want to chat with. 

You love your baby. They’re the most precious thing you’ve ever made. And your little one is probably cute as the dickens. No one is saying that the miracle of birth is anything other than fantastic.

But as someone without kids, who spends a lot of time with families with newborns? Maternity leave looks like torture to me.

Take a woman like our clients at DC Metro Maternity. She’s worked hard in her career, and accomplished much. She’s invested in her work. Maybe she makes a difference in her community, maybe she makes a lot of money, maybe she just makes herself feel good by checking off her to do list. But regardless, she’s good at her job.

Then, you have her grow an infant inside. And she’s of course going to take care of herself and her baby during pregnancy. She’s probably worked hard to have this kid, at just the right time. Or she was blessed and surprised, and just got on board with what Mother Nature/God/The Universe were doing. Either way, she does all the things you do to be a good pregnant person.

Finally, she has the baby, and they send her home from the hospital. And for the entirety of her maternity leave, she’s hanging out with a tiny human whose greatest accomplishment is managing to focus their eyes.

While this focusing, and every milestone in fact, is amazing to watch… at some point at 2 in the afternoon, a lot of my clients wonder what on earth they’ve done with their day. 

And ya know what? They’ve done a lot. But that baby didn’t really contribute.

Stop frowning at me, and let’s be honest. No need to act like infants are discussing the solution to American race relations with us in the middle of the night, or composing sonnets. They’re not making hilarious youtube videos.

Infants are boring.

This is not a slam on babies. Babies are just doing their thing! In fact, it’s their job to be boring. Being the best baby they can be means peeing, pooping, eating, sleeping, and crying. Oh, and being adorable.

Their job is really just to keep growing for a bit and finish up their 4th trimester. It’s not their fault that the job description is kind of bland.  

And it’s not our fault, as grown ups, if we sometimes wish that the little person who is totally dependent on us, gave us a little more to work with.

I’m someone who gets a lot of joy being around babies- they’re snuggly, the tops of their heads smell good, and their laundry is absolutely precious. I love hanging with your baby, as a postpartum and infant care doula. But I know they’re boring.

It’s okay if you’re waiting until they learn to truly smile (usually between 6 to 12 weeks), and play.

The good news is though, your kid won’t stay boring for long. You’re an interesting human, so you’ll raise an interesting child. We just have to keep them alive long enough.

So this confession goes out to anyone staying at home on maternity leave, or parental leave. If you wonder when your baby gets a little more responsive and is ready to play, know that you’re not alone. And also, know that the boring phase is temporary. There may come a time when you wish all they did was lie still and gurgle.

Schedule a call with us, let’s chat!