We’re told a story about baby bonding that depends a LOT on love at first sight. The moment that your baby is placed on your chest, magic is supposed to happen. Trumpets will sound, and you’ll never know another love like this (until the next baby, of course).
I’ve seen that version of the story happen. It’s beautiful.
But I’ve also seen new parents absolutely stunned after birth.
Sometimes labor happened quickly, and they’re just trying to catch up to their baby’s arrival. Other times, there’s a lot happening in the room, and between medical things that need to be done for mom and the baby, that look of love doesn’t happen. Still other times, birth is just hard and exhausting, and parents barely remember the golden hour.
It’s okay to need a minute.
It’s important that we know that baby bonding is a process.
What happens in that golden hour (the first hour after birth) doesn’t determine the course of your relationship.
Even the first few weeks, when baby blues are common, and you’re trying to figure things out, aren’t make or break for your connection. You’ll get to know your little one over time.
It’s also critical that parents who aren’t breastfeeding know that they can be incredibly connected to their babies.
Whether you’re a partner who’s not lactating, if breastfeeding is a struggle, or your family has chosen to formula feed, there’s plenty of opportunities for baby bonding.
So here are 10 ways to facilitate baby bonding:
1. Baby Massage
This can be as simple as rubbing your baby with a lotion that’s safe for her skin or pedaling her tummy to help her get a gas bubble out. Every time you touch your baby lovingly, you bond.
2. Baby Wearing
Newborns often just want to be held. This isn’t terribly convenient if you find that you need your hands for anything. So carrying your baby in a wrap, sling or more structured carrier is helpful. Having your little one close can calm both of you. And if those wraps seem too complicated, tuck your baby into your t-shirt. It’s not sturdy when it’s time to cook, but it can let you scroll through instagram while still cuddling.
3. Bathtime
The first bath may be a little nerve-wracking for first-time parents but it gets easier! Once you’ve done it, and gotten your slippery baby through one battle with the water, you got through something together. Add in the power of touch and smell? Boom! Baby bonding done.
4. Bedtime Stories
Your little one doesn’t have to understand everything you’re saying , to get value from it. She’s picking up language! Share your favorite stories with her, let her hear your voice and grow close to you.
5. Singing to Your baby
Some families start this during pregnancy, since babies can hear and learn to recognize your voice. Singing songs to little ones (you can make it “their song”, or singing just about anything) creates a memory that can last a lifetime, and is fun for adults too, since many of us have deep connections to music.
6. Talk to your baby
Make chit chat with your little one. No, they won’t talk back, but it can be fun anyway. Narrate what’s happening around them, or share what you did at work today. It helps babies learn, and it can be fun to watch their face as they follow along with your voice and face.
7. Skin to skin
This is exactly what it sounds like- placing your baby on your body (often the chest), skin to skin. It’s emphasized in that golden hour, because during the first hour of life it helps to regulate baby’s breathing and temperature. The value doesn’t end there, though. Skin to skin time can help with soothing baby at any point, and increases oxytocin for both of you.
8. Learn your baby’s cues
Attachment parenting is a particular style of newborn care, but becoming attached to your baby can happen no matter your parenting philosophy. The act of responding to your baby’s cries and meeting their needs creates attachment, and trust. So pay attention, and you’ll notice that they show you when they’re hungry, or sleepy, before they begin to wail.
9. Create a routine
Just as you learn baby’s cues, you can teach them yours. Relationships are a two-way street after all. So if you consistently swaddle baby and place them in their bassinet for naps, they’ll learn that routine. The same with anything you do repetitively. Shared activities create bonds at any age.
10. Stay connected to yourself
Connecting with anyone goes better when you’re connected to yourself. Remember the things that you love to do, and try to find a bit of time for them. Even a simple cup of coffee or tea, or taking a hot bath can help in the throes of caring for a newborn. One of our main goals as postpartum doulas is to ensure that you don’t sacrifice yourself to parenthood.
Bonding with your baby is a long-term process, and you’ll find what’s right for you. Remember that staying in touch with yourself and your instincts is hugely important, and will allow you to get in touch with your baby.
For more preparation sign up for our live childbirth classes here!
