Dear Black mothers, this Black Breastfeeding Week- I’d like to apologize on behalf of Black doulas, midwives, and lactation consultants. We do not always acknowledge the challenges of motherhood, and specifically, breastfeeding.
Now in fairness to us, there’s a reason for this- we want to encourage Black women to breastfeed their babies.
We know that breast milk helps babies grow, it can increase your bond with your baby, and it has health benefits for you as well. While formula is nutritionally complete, and babies and families grow big and strong on formula, breastfeeding will always have an edge.
But feeding your baby is rarely just about the nutritional components of their diet. Breastfeeding is about more than just breastmilk.
For our community in particular, breastfeeding can feel like an important, political act. The theme for Black Breastfeeding Week 2020 is “Revive. Restore. Reclaim.”
That suggests that breastfeeding is something to be protected, uplifted. This is important to us.
Why do we need Black Breastfeeding Week?
- There were a couple of generations where women were actively discouraged from breastfeeding, and Black women especially were targeted by formula companies with inaccurate information.
- Our society is not set up to support nursing- we don’t have enough paid time off, laws about breaks to pump are unevenly enforced for working parents, and everyone does not get the support and education they need to breastfeed.
- Because of factors largely out of our own control, we are often sicker, and so are our babies. Our births may be harder. Breastfeeding is sometimes an act of taking control of our own health.
All of this and more is true. Black Breastfeeding Week is important. And we need Black lactation consultants, postpartum doulas, midwives breastfeeding support groups and entire villages that help us.
What I want to remind you of though, pregnant woman or new Black mom, is that you do not have to carry the entire community on your back. Or your boobs.
You are not individually responsible for changing the face of breastfeeding and making it melanated and glowy. All of Black America is not nursing from you. (Imagine how touched out you’d be if we were!)
Your decision to breastfeed your babies, even as a Black woman, can be just about what is right for you and your family.
It is important to me that you know this.
Because if we can all agree that how you feed your baby is not just about the world at large, then we get closer to a world where you get to lead with your own instincts, and honor what it is that you need, and your baby needs.
And this gets us one step closer to acknowledging that sometimes, breastfeeding is hard. And you get to do it anyway.
You get to trust your intuition.
Because you do have intuition. You’re not stupid. You don’t need to be tricked into breastfeeding, and you’ll make the right choices for your family, no matter what that means about milk.
If we can be honest about breastfeeding, then we can prepare you. Here are 4 things you should know, that no softly focused instagram filtered picture will show you.
You and your baby will need time and support to figure out exactly how breastfeeding will best work for you. This means that:
- An occasional supplemented bottle (of formula or donor milk) is not a failure
- Support from a lactation profession, infant feeding specialist or postpartum doula is just getting the help you need.
- You can give yourself time and grace to figure out what works for your family.
Breastfeeding should not be a struggle long-term. But there’s a learning curve, that is sometimes painful:
- A “good” latch is important not only to ensure that your baby gets enough to eat, but so your nipples are not hurting. Your comfort matters here. You’ll probably have to work on getting the latch right more than once.
- Most new parents have to be taught how to know that their baby is getting enough to eat. There are definitely cues, but it’s not as clear when the milk comes from a bottle.
- You might be tired while doing all of this. “Might” is understating it. Most people are tired. And most of us pump before we “need” to so that someone else can give the baby a bottle.
Most women that want to breastfeed will be able to make milk. But whether you “can” breastfeed is sometimes about more than that.
- There are certain health conditions for you, or circumstances for your baby that will need extra consideration. Hormonal imbalances for mothers, tongue ties for babies, challenging or premature births are among reasons that you might need more support.
- Supportive family members and partners are critical to breastfeeding, and not all of our families know how to support us.
- Not everyone enjoys breastfeeding, and many of the bonding and connecting benefits are lost if breastfeeding makes you unhappy.
Working and breastfeeding does not just magically happen.
- We have to take extra care of ourselves in order to continue healing postpartum, return to work, and make food to feed a whole entire human, with our body.
- Creating a pumping schedule is very doable, but not every job makes it easy. You may have to do some self-advocacy to get what you need.
- You need a plan, and a backup plan. Not everyone responds to breast pumps the same way, not every baby responds to a bottle the same way, and not every caregiver knows how to support breastfeeding families. Going back to work is an adjustment for everyone, and you need a plan.
None of this means that you shouldn’t breastfeed. Or that you can’t continue to breastfeed, if you experience some difficulty.
In fact, I think that it means just the opposite. My goal is not to discourage you during this Black Breastfeeding Week. Rather, it’s to acknowledge you.
We can reclaim not only the value of breastfeeding for Black women and families, but the value of passing down the shared wisdom that we have.
So here’s wisdom from a doula who has been around the block:
It is completely normal to experience some challenges breastfeeding, and if you are, then you’re probably in the majority.
You can also be a part of the new majority of Black women we’re working towards, who get the support they need to keep breastfeeding as long as they want.
And you and your baby can be healthy, happy, and bonded, no matter what sort of milk they get.
Do I want more Black women to breastfeed? Yes.
But it bears repeating: breastfeeding is not just about where the milk comes from.
More than anything, I want Black women to reclaim our right to trust our intuition, and care for our babies in the way that’s right for our families.
Happy Black Breastfeeding Week 2020.
You can learn more about postpartum support here.
