Dear Doula,
My baby spent a little while in the NICU when she was first born. I was induced for gestational diabetes, and eventually needed a cesarean (long story). When they checked our daughter’s blood sugar after birth, it was low, so she couldn’t stay in the room with me.
The NICU nurses were very caring and supported me breastfeeding. I went to the NICU every couple of hours and fed her colostrum- sometimes at the breast and sometimes with a syringe, from what I’d pumped. I knew how important colostrum is. It was intense, especially after a c-section, but I really wanted her to get my milk. It was even more important to me since we didn’t get to have the skin to skin time I expected right after birth.
No matter how hard I tried though, her sugars still weren’t in the range they were hoping for.
And she seemed hungry, so when they suggested that we top her off with formula on the second day, I said okay.
We all got to go home together after a few days in the hospital thank goodness. But my milk didn’t come in right away. I wanted to be sure that she was eating enough, so I kept giving her a bottle after nursing. It wasn’t much at all. My milk did come in. We’ve been breastfeeding for the last few weeks (she just turned 5 weeks yesterday).
I worry about if that formula was okay though. I’m in a Facebook forum for breastfeeding moms, and they say that formula supplementation is really bad for babies. They say that it can affect my supply, and she won’t get all the benefits of breastmilk.
Is there something I can do to make up for what my daughter missed those first few days when she had formula? I wanted to exclusively breastfeed so bad, but we just needed time to figure it out.
Sincerely,
Regretting Those Bottles of Formula
Dear Regretting,
First off, congratulations on making it a whole five weeks as a parent. That’s a WHOLE THING! You deserve all the gold stars, and I can tell from your letter that you’re already an excellent mother.
You know how I know?
You worked through a few challenges in pregnancy and in that first couple of weeks (to put it lightly). Your plans changed for your birth, and you rolled with it. You helped your baby thrive, even as you were healing after birth. Despite being exhausted from labor, surgery and recovery, you worked so hard to be involved in the care of your newborn. And you
Let me tell you something else though:
None of those qualities that make you a dedicated and loving mother have anything to do with breastmilk or formula.
Breastfeeding is great. But breastmilk isn’t what makes good parents.
You gave your baby formula for the same reason that you now give her breastmilk– you were taking care of her. Taking care of your child- loving her, meeting her needs (including food)- is the hallmark of a good parent.
Babies have to eat. And thankfully, we live in a time where if breastfeeding isn’t the right choice, or isn’t working, formula is available.
No matter what very intense people on the internet say, formula is not bad for babies.
It’s not quite the same as breastmilk- I get that, and we’ve all heard the benefits of breastfeeding. But formula is not harmful to babies.
I could reassure you in a few ways:
- I could share research that suggests breastfed and formula fed babies tend to be similar in the long run.
- I could remind you that the vast majority of your daughter’s food thus far, based on what you’re telling me, has been breastmilk, so she’s not missing anything.
- I could tell you that no lactation professional worth their salt would suggest that your baby suffered because of a small amount of formula supplementation and not everyone on the internet is qualified to give infant feeding advice.
But I don’t think that gets to the real problem.
At the core of your question, what I hear is concern from a loving mother about her baby’s health. To complicate matters, you’re in the thick of the postpartum period and you got some bad information about infant formula from judgmental (if well-meaning) strangers.
With a baby who’s less than six weeks old, you’re probably exhausted. You’re just healing after labor and birth. And everything probably seems incredibly overwhelming.
But I want you to know that even in the midst of all of that, you’re doing a good job at this mommy thing. You clearly care about your daughter.
When you gave your baby formula, you were being a good mom then too.
So breathe easy, and let go of those regrets. I hope someone is caring for you, the way that you’re caring for her. And if you need any more help, let us know.
Take care,
Sam
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