Dear Doula,
I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and my fiance and I have been trying for a couple of years now. It’s been a long road, and after a miscarriage, I thought it may not happen for me.
But we’re pregnant! I’m in my second trimester, and I’m ready to get excited about this baby.
Everywhere I turn though, I’m hearing about how dangerous childbirth is for black women.
I keep seeing news about maternal mortality, and how DC has some of the worst rates.
I know that Serena Williams almost died after her birth. I heard even Beyonce had a cesarean with her twins.
As a black woman, pregnancy and birth don’t feel safe. I’m too scared to celebrate.
I’m pretty healthy, but I’m a “geriatric pregnancy.” And if I’m honest, I was probably carrying a little more weight than I needed to prior to pregnancy.
I was talking to a friend, and she said her doula was a lifesaver. I’m not sure how, but I’m reaching out hoping that having a doula can help. So… HELP!
Signed,
Just trying to survive birth
Dear Trying to Survive,
First off, you get to be excited. Congratulations! This pregnancy that you want so much deserves to be celebrated, and I’m thrilled for you, your fiance and your baby!
Now, let’s deal with the hard stuff. It’s good practice, because as you’re becoming a mother, you’ll have plenty of that.
Black women do have serious things to consider when we’re having babies. The risk of having our babies too early, you or your child getting sick, and unfortunately even death is higher for us.
And in DC, Maryland and Northern Virginia, black women get statistics about maternal mortality thrown in our faces a LOT.
Take a deep breath though, because there’s good news.
Black women give birth every single day, and survive. So do our babies. More than that? We thrive.
We can thrive whether we have our babies after 35, or under 20. We can thrive even if we have a little extra weight, don’t have the healthiest habits, and aren’t in the habit of exercising, and don’t have a goddess-like pregnancy glow.
Whether we had to work on fertility or found ourselves magically pregnant, and whether a pregnancy is heaven or hell, and whether we’re meticulously planning every part of our unmedicated birth, we want an epidural the moment it’s available or we’re having a cesarean…
I want you to know that we can thrive as black mothers, and what’s more, you deserve to.
You sound like a lot of our clients at DC Metro Maternity. You’re motivated, you want your baby, and your anxiety is based in reality. Just the fact that you’re reaching out tells me that you’ll do everything you can to take care of both of you and the baby. Take another breath, and try to trust your instincts as a mother. You can do this.
Okay, so that was my pep talk. Did it help yet?
That hard stuff didn’t go away though. Unfortunately, as a doula, I don’t have the power to take it away.
As much as I wish it were true, I don’t believe that black doulas can end black maternal mortality.
Attending labors in DC, MD and VA has humbled me. As a labor and postpartum doula, I am not a savior.
I can’t keep my clients safe- from pain, from racism, from biased medical providers, high blood pressure, or any of it.
I CAN ensure that your doula will be by your side along the way. And I can tell you that as a Black woman owned doula company, we get it.
We can help you set yourself up for success. We can talk about not just a birth plan, but how to reduce some of the risks. And we’ll talk about how to advocate for yourself, because your voice is more powerful in your birth than mine will ever be.
What I want to do is help you shape your experience for the rest of pregnancy, your birth, and early motherhood.
If that sounds helpful, keep reading, or reach out and talk to us about Black families, childbirth, and the time with a new baby. We’ll get you through this together.
Sincerely,
Samantha, Doula and Owner of DC Metro Maternity
PS- We if this sounds like you, I absolutely recommend that you check out our online course designed for Black women preparing to give birth. Feeling these fears can keep you stuck in overwhelm, and Expecting Excellence walks you through the steps to take over the course of just 5 days, to feel prepared for birth.
You’ll have:
- a birth partner so that you’re not stuck with these worries alone
- critical knowledge on what to expect from your doctor or midwife & tools for communicating
- a guide to how to navigate the medical system (just in case something doesn’t go smoothly)
