The holiday season is a lot y’all. I don’t even have kids, and I occasionally find myself anxious about whether I’m doing it right.
When you add in a new baby, and postpartum recovery (which continues for a whole year, in my opinion), then decking the halls can seem daunting, at best. At worst, it can seem like a total imposition and opportunity to compare ourselves.
We don’t want you comparing yourself to anyone else, when you’re a new mom.
Whether you’re comparing yourself to the moms in your mom group, the influencers on instagram, or yourself in some other year, that’s a recipe for disaster.
So instead of trying to re-create some Norman Rockwell painting (that wasn’t meant to include many of us anyway), let’s try a different approach.
Instead, let’s use the fact that you have a new baby as a time to take back December. When you’re a mom, you absolutely get to do what you want for you and your family.
Wondering how? Here are some questions to start to create holiday traditions that actually mean something for you.
1. What’s the reason for the season, for you?
I know I’m not the only one that has a Kirk Franklin song in their head after reading that. Sorry for the earworm.
But seriously, regardless of your faith, Jesus is not the only thing that Christmas means to us. And of COURSE that’s not the case for Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Festivus and anything else happening this time of year.
Is this time about family? The opportunity to give back? Your aesthetics? Finding some joy as winter starts so that things don’t feel bleak? Whatever you need is perfectly acceptable. Let that drive your decisions.
2. What do you actually have the energy for this year?
It only makes sense that if you’re still nursing an infant eight times a day, or have just gone back to work after maternity leave, you may not have the most energy you’ll ever have.
Relax a bit. Scale back.
Decisions you make about the holidays this year don’t have to dictate what you do for the next 17 years of your baby’s Christmases.
3. What do you have to eliminate because of your baby’s (or older kids, or partner’s) needs?
Sometimes it’s not you, but the other members of the family that need to take it easy.
Babies and their older siblings can be very sensitive to changes in their routine. Large family gatherings can overstimulate them and sometimes what we think they’ll love, actually makes them cry (hello 42% of pictures on Santa’s lap).
Or maybe you and your partner just need time to reconnect after a year of creating life. That’s totally cool and you have my permission to hide out together.
4. What did you love about the holidays growing up?
Especially since we’re talking about traditions, let’s remember that you aren’t starting from scratch. Celebrations didn’t spring forth from Pinterest with no prior history. Even if you don’t want things to be just like they were when you were little, there’s often something cool you can bring with you.
Did you do something with your family, friends or at school that you loved? Or, is there something that you appreciate now even if you didn’t then? See if you can recreate it, and bring on that childhood wonder and magic.
5. What do you want to eat?
Food sparks a lot of joy for many of us. And holidays are the perfect time to eat in a way that totally nourishes you.
You don’t have to eat what your grandma used to cook either. Ubereats, instacart, opentable and food blogs have opened the whole world to us. So whether it’s finally making a spiked apple cider, or taking yourself out to Thai and skipping cooking, don’t be afraid to blaze a new trail. (You can absolutely go out to eat when you have a new baby, by the way. You’re allowed.)
So go forth and make things merry and bright this year. On your terms.
Good news- if the holidays aren’t imperfect, your baby won’t even remember them. So there’s really no pressure.
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