With the rise of the internet, there are more opinions than ever on how we raise our babies. Once upon a time, in some mythical land, a parenting philosophy probably wasn’t a thing. You simply raised your child the way that your parents raised you, and the way everyone else around you did it.
But now, there are books, mommy blogs, and parenting support groups. Your pediatrician and childcare provider (whether daycare or nanny) has an opinion too.
We think that there’s a lot of noise out there when it comes to planning how to care for your child. Especially when it comes to newborns.
The essentials are pretty simple- babies need food, sleep, safety, to be kept clean, and to be loved. That’s it. Everyone pretty much agrees.
But we differ on how best to get these things done. And it all seems so HIGH STAKES. How on earth does a new parent tune into their own instincts?
As postpartum doulas, we see lots of parents try to figure this all out often. If you believe the internet, parents fall into two camps of popular philosophies:
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Attachment parenting
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Scheduled parenting
Attachment parenting (AP) focuses on responding to your baby’s needs as a parent. Parent’s are encouraged to empathize closely with their child, and closeness (literally and figuratively) plays a huge role.
Originally coined by Dr. William Sears, the attachment parenting of a newborn often refers to bonding after birth, breastfeeding, wearing your baby and sleeping close to them, and listening to what they are working to communicate when they cry.
Attachment parenting creates an environment where the parents expect to adapt to the needs of a newborn, and as long as there are balance and support for the parent’s needs, we’ve seen this work very well for many families.
On the other hand, some parents encourage their newborns, to adapt life within the existing family from the beginning. This is sometimes referred to as scheduled parenting.
Scheduled parents create routines, and may feed their baby early on at predictable intervals, create bedtime routines to encourage good sleep, and generally lead their baby into behavior that they believe will support their development.
What’s interesting to us is that the experts who tout each of these doctrines seem to act as though parents choose one of these philosophies and stick to it forevermore.
But nothing in parenthood has to be rigid like that.
You don’t have to choose strictly between attachment parenting and scheduled parenting.
In fact, many of our clients are attachment parenting on a schedule.
People breastfeed on demand all day and then have a regular bedtime.
Mothers wear their baby simply to be able to meet the other demands of life, rather than out of a sense of letting the baby lead.
Fathers become experts in swaddling and pacifiers, while also cosleeping.
Despite what internet says, parenting is not all or nothing. There are many healthy ways to encourage attachment in your baby, and as long as you meet their needs consistently and protect your own mental health, you will bond.
As postpartum and infant care doulas, we’ve read the books, and we’re up to date on the science. We can help you feed your baby, keep them safe, and introduce balance into your life and theirs.
Trust your instincts, and ask questions as you need to. You’ll find the right parenting philosophy for you.
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