Becoming a doula and entrepreneur has taught me a lot about myself. Mostly it’s that being responsible to and for myself (and having other people depend on me!) has forced me level up on my adulting skills, post-haste. I have to get my to-do list done.
Generally speaking, this isn’t a problem. I like being an adult. I’m grateful that I get to do work that I love. Our clients and the doulas I work with are amazing.
Still, there’s a lot on my plate. Attending births, checking on clients after their babies, overnight shifts with newborns, and staying up to date with the latest and greatest in parenting. There’s a joke that small business owners work 80 hours a week, to avoid working 40 hours. And it’s probably true.
But I’ve learned a trick for days when my to-do list seems out of hand.
Instead of writing a to-do list of all the things that haven’t gotten done (and some that might never get done), I write a list of things I’ve already accomplished.
If I woke up and made the mistake of checking Facebook first, then sometimes the list has to be simple.
Did I brush my teeth? Write it down. Check it off.
Have I taken a moment to stop all the busy work and eat breakfast? That’s self-care. Check!
Did I return a text message from my doula partner? Check it off.
Have I responded to an email? Check check check.
It might seem silly to someone who’s never experienced anxiety, or a case of perfectionism. And I think that there are people out there who aren’t workaholics, ruled by their calendars and to-do lists.
But I’ve noticed that a lot of our clients, and my very favorite doulas, have these things in common with me.
We’re used to getting shit done. It’s how we’ve thrived, and become accomplished women.
The thing about change though- whether it’s growing a business, or having a baby- is that we’re beginners again.
And starting at the beginning is hard for people who are fueled by their accomplishments. It can seem like there’s nothing that quite makes sense anymore. Very little about life feels easy. The to-do lists are massive.
When your baby cries, and you’re responsible for her, but you’re not exactly sure what she wants, it’s stressful!
If you were used to your body looking and feeling a certain way, but pregnancy changed everything, then that’s difficult.
When you want to breastfeed, but things aren’t easy, it can send you into a tailspin.
If parental leave and maternity leave has you at home with the baby for the first time, and you feel idle and unaccomplished, it’s a lot to take in.
I haven’t yet done these things, but I can relate to those feelings.
And let me tell you, the “DONE” list can stop a spiral.
The DONE List builds momentum. It reminds us that there are things we know and understand. And most importantly, it takes some pressure off.
And as your “DONE” list grows, it’s a reminder that we’re still the badass women who get shit done. We’re just learning something new, and that’s okay.
So, if you’re in need of a new tool, try this one. Here’s how to make a “Done” list:
1. Take a sticky note, or open up your notes app on your phone. Start on a blank page, and ignore whatever list of things you haven’t done is lurking.
2. Write down 3 things that you got done today. If you need help, you can start with:
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You and your baby are safe and alive (that’s a big deal)
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The fact that you’re taking time to celebrate your accomplishments with this list
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Any work you’ve done to meet your own basic needs (teeth brushing and eating count!)
3. Now, smile at yourself. Yay you!
4. If you have more to write, feel free. But I give you permission to only do 3 things per day, as a new parent. You’re doing a great job.
If you do this, and it works, tell me about it! I’d love to hear what’s DONE!
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