Some of you looked at that title and thought “OMG seriously? Who would want to have sex after birth? That soon? Don’t even touch me.”
But others of you need to know the answer to this, yesterday. Six weeks?! Impossible. Good for you! Intimacy is powerful and important.
As women and postpartum doulas, we know that motherhood doesn’t make us sexless matrons for all time.Most of us want to have sex after birth- eventually.
On the way out of the hospital after birth though, you’re usually told, “nothing in the vagina for six weeks.”
This ban on penetration includes tampons, Nuvaring birth control, Yoni eggs, and yes, digits, toys and penises. If you’re raring to go, six weeks to wait for sex after birth is a good long while.
But we promise that your midwife or OB isn’t just being Puritanical.
Birth is a big deal. And whether you greet your baby via cesarean or vaginal birth, you need to heal. Specifically, your uterus (which expands from the size of a pear to the size of a watermelon) needs time to regroup and recover after birth.
Not only is your uterus shrinking back to its size prior to baby, but we also have to remember that you created an entire organ to feed your baby- the placenta. And the placenta was attached to the top of the uterus.
If you saw your placenta after birth, then you have an idea of how many blood vessels and veins we’re talking about. It’s about the size of a frisbee, on average. After your baby is born, it detaches from the side of your uterus, creating bleeding, discharge and a wound. Just like any open wound, it needs time to heal- this is a big portion of your postpartum healing.
Fortunately, your body takes excellent care of itself in most instances. Your uterus contracts and you’ll be good as new soon.
But to be sure to allow time for that healing, medical providers recommend a waiting period. Inserting items into your vagina could potentially introduce bacteria, which could travel through your cervix and into your uterus, and cause infection. Yikes!
So apologies to anyone whose hormones are raging- you have to chill for a while on vaginal sex after birth.
The good news is though, there are other ways to create intimacy. Remember, it’s not technically a ban on sex after birth. There are a variety of physical ways to connect that don’t involve penetration (that’s for another post).
But in addition to that, don’t forget that you all just did something amazing as a couple! You started raising a human! What could be more intimate than shaping a tiny person? Take time to be awestruck together. Or take a nap and cuddle a bit, whatever you need.
And for anyone who’s reading this that wouldn’t dream of getting busy when their baby is so young, good news, you’re totally fine. Postpartum doulas say so! Take it easy, and let your body heal. When it’s right, you’ll get back to that aspect of your relationship.
Learn more about our online pregnancy course Attain.
