Sometimes, when other doulas talk about birth, I wonder if we’re doing the same thing. The way that some people rave about natural childbirth, you’d think it’s a trip to Disneyland.
But as much as I love my job, and birth, most days at as a labor doula involve being with women while they’re in pain, and helping them deal.
And the difference between the way that doulas describe birth, and the average pregnant person does, seems vast to me.
The first group often gushes about birth without drugs. As a profession, labor doulas tend to describe labor in terms of empowerment, and as a life-defining moment for many women, where they learn the truth about who they are as a person.
Doulas will say things like “Your body was designed for this,” and encourage everyone to birth without an epidural, or other medical pain management. And they completely ignore the reality of cesarean birth.
It’s nice to think that the miraculous nature of creating a human, and getting it out of your body, is enough to compensate for the pain of childbirth.
But let me tell you a secret: Sometimes, birth just sucks.
Labor is hard. And just because you’re not traumatized by your experience, doesn’t mean you thought it was glorious, and angels came down to herald the arrival of your newborn before the both of you rode off into the sunset on a unicorn.
I actually think that it is perfectly reasonable to be scared of the pain of childbirth. Pardon my language, but that shit looks like it hurts.
Now, I understand why doulas don’t necessarily talk like this.
We’re trying to counteract really negative associations with childbirth.
After all, you’ll hear plenty of “war stories” from mothers, sisters, and friends during pregnancy. You may already have concerns about hospitals, medication and intervention. Maybe you’re a planner and the fear of the unknown bugs you. If you know you want an epidural, you still may not be sure about that whole process. Or perhaps you just don’t want to poop during pushing.
We know that you’ve more than likely got a lot of worry swirling around in your head, about your birth. And so some of us put on rose-colored glasses to try to get you through it.
But at DC Metro Maternity, we think that there is power in being authentic. We believe that you are strong enough to bring your baby into the world. And we also believe that you’re strong enough to do it even if it’s hard, and not fun. If our job is to help you feel good about yourself and your decisions, then we want to be honest with you.
Sometimes, birth sucks. And we just get through it.
There’s an inherent strength and power in doing hard things, for the sake of yourself and your baby. If you didn’t love your birth, you still get a high five from us.
That’s why, when we talk to our birth clients, we focus on coping. If you want control, we look for the decisions that you can make in the midst of an unpredictable experience. If you hate pain, we encourage you to explore all options, both non-medical and medical, to handle the sensations of labor.
Even our childbirth education class “Taking the Edge Off”, focuses on what we hear new parents really want to know about: reducing the suck, managing the hard parts of labor.
And for the record, we’re okay with complaining as a coping mechanism.
If you have a magical experience, great! But what we know is that every miracle doesn’t feel great, in that moment. So we’ve designed our practice around reality, and not the dream. And we believe that there is strength and beauty in that.
Learn more about our labor support here, we want to be there through every step.
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