Dear Doula,
My OB/GYN just called me old.
Well okay, that’s not exactly what she said. But she referred to me as having a “geriatric pregnancy” and said that I may become high risk because I’m of “advanced maternal age”.
I’m only 36! I’m not old.
It has me questioning everything, especially if my baby and I will be safe. How could I be high risk?
I’m healthy, and I waited to have this child until it was the right time for me and my husband. I had my first when I was young and dumb. I actually take better care of myself now.
Plus, when I looked up “advanced maternal age” on the internet, it seemed like maybe she’s just using scare tactics. So now I wonder whether to keep working with this doctor, and if we’ll have any choices in our birth plan.
What should I do?
Signed,
An Old Mama
Dear NOT So Old Mama,
First off, I’m sorry. While I absolutely believe that getting older is a blessing, I know that very few of us want to be aged before our time.
Your doctor likely knows that too. But unfortunately, medical language doesn’t always care about our feelings. It’s rude. As young as 35 makes you “advanced maternal age”, and it’s not an uplifting phrase.
Let’s tackle two different things:
First, does your age make you high risk, and are you and your baby safe?
Honestly, the jury is still out, and it’s a conversation that you and your doctor need to have in more detail. The fact that you’ve given birth before, and any healthy habits you’ve adopted all work in your favor.
The data around advanced maternal age and pregnancy that would say anyone after age 35 is unsafe is pretty old. We’ve come a long way with safe pregnancy, and it’s not that black and white.
What I don’t know as a doula is if there’s something else going on in your medical history that has your doctor concerned.
I also don’t know exactly how this conversation went, and that brings me to your second & third question: should you stick with your doctor and will you have options in your birth plan.
So think back to that appointment- before she pissed you off.
Did your doctor tell you that you were high risk without further conversation, and only mention a “geriatric pregnancy”?
Do you have gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, or a history of pregnancy complications? Were you discussing scenarios where an induction or cesarean birth might come into play?
I don’t know too many women (doctors included, thankfully) who would just call a pregnant woman old as a drive by insult. So I imagine that something else is going on there. And if you were our client at DCMM, I’d recommend you have a longer conversation. That conversation will determine how to move forward with this doctor.
Because you do have options in this pregnancy, advanced maternal age or not. We’ve had DCMM clients over 35 and well into their 40s give birth in hospitals and birth centers, with a variety of interventions or none at all.
There’s a birth place and a provider that’s right for you, even if it just means getting this provider to slow down and talk to you a bit more.
You got this. With age comes wisdom, and we trust you.
Signed,
Sam
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