Finding unbiased information during pregnancy or as a new parent is hard. Everyone has an opinion, and all opinions are not created equally.
Lots of people (loved ones and even strangers) will share their own experiences or beliefs, and they may not be right for your situation.
You also may be a googler (maybe that’s how you landed here!)
If so, when you look up things like, “pregnancy symptoms” you can get into some pretty intense territory, pretty quickly. Even more so if you look up pregnancy for Black women.
It’s important that you find accurate, unbiased information during pregnancy. This gives you the opportunity to make decisions for yourself and your baby, and be empowered.
One place you can turn (and where many people turn first) for pregnancy information is to a medical provider.
Sometimes your doctor or midwife may be moving quickly through prenatal appointments, so we encourage you to do the following:
- Take a list of your questions with you to each appointment.
- If you don’t understand something, ask them to explain it again, “in lay person’s terms”. Remember, you are their patient, not an inconvenience.
- At the end of each appointment, ask what to expect next time, so you can be prepared.
We give more tips about this in our pregnancy course, Attain.
You might also talk to friends and family to learn what to expect during pregnancy and as a new mother.
We are in full support of you building your community. When you talk to friends and family, we recommend that you remember a few things:
- Everyone’s body reacts differently to pregnancy, birth, and healing during the postpartum period. Each baby is different! Their story is not your story.
- Sometimes our loved ones mean well but are sharing based on their own fears and negative experiences.
- It’s really hard to be unbiased when talking to a loved one about pregnancy and birth.
The experience of having a baby is so powerful that the memories remain really fresh. So people aren’t telling you about an event without emotion. For some people, this means that they’ll make things more dramatic and focus on the hard parts. Others will try to shield you from the challenges.
None of this is bad, it’s just human. But it does mean that you want to remember that your pregnancy is your own.
This is another thing that we discuss in Attain- building a support system and creating boundaries during pregnancy.
You might also turn to all the pregnancy information available online. There are apps, articles, and lots of resources.
When you look for information about pregnancy and postpartum, we recommend using the following criteria (it’s what we use when gathering information as doulas):
- Is the information up to date?
Something that’s a few years old is often fine, and of course many things about pregnancy have been the same forever. But information about policies at hospitals, or recommendations, does change from time to time. Newer can be better.
- Does it match what you already know to be true?
Remember, while you may not be an expert in pregnancy, you are a smart, capable adult. You know things. And you are the expert on your body. Trust yourself.
- What do the people you trust think?
We already talked about your provider, friends and family. Sharing what you’ve read with them can be a good way to vet the information.
- Does the author have credentials?
What makes this person/website trustworthy? It may be based on personal experience, training, education or a long time helping families, but you should be able to find out why they know what they know.
Also, find out if the post is sponsored, or if they have anything to gain from you trusting them. (Full disclosure, we love to support people as doulas and think it’d be great if you hired us, so we’re not completely unbiased.)
And if the author is anonymous, or seems like a troll, skip it. You don’t need that nonsense while you’re growing a human.
- Does this jive with your philosophy?
For many decisions during pregnancy, birth and postpartum, there are multiple ways to do the “right” thing. Some of it is just about what feels right, and your own philosophy. We often help our doula clients sort out what kind of birth they want, and what sort of parent they want to be. This is going to determine what information you should listen to.
If all of this vetting sounds like a lot of work, we get it. You’re probably pretty busy doing things you are an expert in (that aren’t birth and postpartum).
Another solution is to take a childbirth education class, and/or hire a doula. As doulas, we prepare ourselves to be supportive of lots of parenting choices, and we vet the information we share with our clients. So for you, it’s like skipping a step!
If you’re thinking of hiring a doula, we’re here, and we would love to help you.
